I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
