On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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