haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
