In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
