my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
