did you get engaged???
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
