True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
