Where is the hickey?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
