is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
