he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
