Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
