If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
