you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
