The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize