he thought i was a dude.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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