I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
