I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
