New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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