You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
