why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
