I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
