Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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