Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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