eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
