Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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