Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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