I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
