I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize