I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
