He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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