i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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