Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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