When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
