I'm so fucking centered right now
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
