Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
