Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
