my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
