I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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