The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
