Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
