Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
