you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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