My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i have two assholes
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
