i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
grandma shit on top of the toilet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
