Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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