elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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