It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize