I think my vagina is haunted
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ttyl tear gas
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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