do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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