he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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