i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
