i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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