YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
