There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
