Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
