The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
