I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
