This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize