Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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