I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its about making memories worth repressing
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
