Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize