don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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