I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
