I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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