You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
