So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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