I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
