I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
