you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
