So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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