I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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