I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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