just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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