The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
40s are totally the cure
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize