If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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