youre lurking in front of me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
