Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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