Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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