How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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