never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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