bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
soo... how was my night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
