When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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