I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
