i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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