just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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