I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
