just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize