Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
