Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
