Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He better not be in your backpack
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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