My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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