She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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