Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
