my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
