He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
