Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
