That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
