Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
