i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
