Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
