her vagina looked like bernie madoff
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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