i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
