Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize