oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
